trendsetter

Do you know how it feels, waiting for your life to happen? Like, you know that the best part of your life hasn't happened yet, but it will. It will, but you have no idea when. It's as if everything you're doing now is building up to that moment.

I caught myself feeling sorry for myself this morning.

And is it just me, or it's becoming a trend (can I say that, trend?) to get married early nowadays? Early, meaning.. before the age of 25, early. Shit lah, marriage is no longer a joke or something you giggle about with your girlfriends.

I envy people who are so sure of themselves.

Eh, see? Another feel-sorry-for-myself moment.

Ahhh. PMS is a big fat stinking bitch.
I hate putting blame on biology, but I cannot muster the energy to care right now.

I hate this cliché too, but: It's just one of those days.

catnap

Have you seen this cat?

That's Jimi. He's been missing since Tuesday, and my family is heartbroken. I am heartbroken. (Go ahead, whisper it in your mind, "Pfft. It's just a cat, sheesh", it's alright, go ahead). My family have had lots of pets over the years, cats being the favourite, but also rabbits, iguanas, snakes, tortoises, etc... but among all of them, Jimi's the longest we've had. He's been with us for about 3 years, and inevitably has become part of the family. He's pretty much an indoor cat, and his ventures outside the house are limited to our neighbour's garden. He goes out for a stroll every day, but he's always back inside before it gets dark. (Oh, get this: he knocks the door. I kid you not).

Anyways. I think he's been taken. (Hmm.. "taken" gives it an extraterrestial feel/connection). But seriously, as negative and accusatory as I may sound, I think he's been... catnapped. We've searched high & low, here there everywhere, we've asked (read: interrogated) neighbours, and there's no sign of him anywhere, and nobody's got a clue. I've silently prayed all sorts of evil thoughts for these potentially non-existent catnappers.. you know, those silent prayers that come rushed and mixed with anger, the "Aku harap kau...#$!^%$@^!!!" type, but oh well, I've taken them back. Because most importantly, I pray that this catnapper(s), if any at all, develop a conscience and return Jimi.
Today we put up "Lost Cat" posters (offering cash reward too, mind you) around our housing area, and I pray that it'll help, somehow someway. (Pakcik kedai runcit bawah tu gave me a judgmental look when I asked if I could put up posters for my missing cat at his shop, to which he agreed with a shrug. Nevermind, he agreed.)

Ahhh well.

Pray for Jimi's safe return to us, please.

We're all looking out, waiting for you, Jimi.

:'(

sunburn

I am basking in the warm glow of my own happiness.

Now, I've officially finished Phase 1 of my med school program. The past two pre-clinical years have passed by in such a blur. A busy, eventful, fun, emotional and whirlwind of a blur. I'm slightly nostalgic now, in retrospect, but I'm just glad it's over. Done. Oh, and getting that so-called Distinction award was an added bonus too, and I am humbly ever so grateful.

My first day back home, I woke up to the fragrance of nasi goreng being prepared in the kitchen. This moment was so beautiful, I almost wept right there on my pillow. There I was, after weeks of waking up to the sound of my housemates knocking on my door, the smell of the 3-in-1 coffee I make myself, and munching on dry tuna sandwiches while driving to the library to study, and eating out every night after a long day of reading and reading and reading. It's wonderful, it's indescribable, waking up with no commitments for the day, no impending exams, no tensions running high among the people around you (because everyone's just as stressed as you are).

Anyhoo.
I present you, my 2-month vacation plan:

I am home.
:)

He's home.
:)

She's coming home.
:)

I got a new phone! (nak jugak add yang ni)
:)

Alhamdulillah.

This warm glow is starting to give me a sunburn.

:)

five!

Disclaimer: Potentially gross-out romantic post. Stay if you want, but you've been warned

The Prelude:

Yes, people.

The whole "fall-in-love-with-best-friend" thing, happens.

And it doesn't just work in the movies :)

2004 - 2009

Through the funny faces and funny hair, the moods and broods,

the trips and travels, the ups and downs,

through the good, the bad, and the very very ugly,
you stayed with me,

and here we are.

♥♥♥

There's so many things I want to say to you, but words fail me.

(I know you're going "whatttt?" to that.)

You deserve more than a lame blog post,

crappy pictures thrown together this way,

But you know I love you the most,

and I'd give you the world if I may.

Five years passed between you and me,

perhaps it's effort, perhaps it's fate.

I know right now we're both very busy,

But soon I'll be home, and we'll celebrate.

(they're supposed to rhyme :p)

So, until then,

Happy 5th year for us!

We've only just begun, haven't we?

:)
Feels just like yesterday to me.

some movie said,

"Opinions are like assholes.
Everyone's got one,
and everyone thinks everyone else's stinks."

Too true.

Now, have a whiff of these:

Of professional exams, and professional students.
To whom it may concern: I cannot genuinely be sorry for you, or be sympathetic of your situation. You cruised by the whole year, taking things lightly, and now, with the exams looming over, you talk about your intense fear of failing, you ask for this & that.
Oh well. I'm sorry. But I'm not, not really, no.

Of Janes and Joes.
When a group of people are looking for the mole among them, the culprit of the crime, the one who snitched, the one that ratted them out... sometimes, the guilty dog barks the loudest, don't you think?

Of frogs & princesses.
A frog came to visit while I was studying some nights ago. It perched on the windowsill and stared right at me. Very creepy stuff. It sat there, and we engaged in a staring contest, and then I summoned my housemates to help solve the "problem". I love animals, but this too has its limitations. At that particular moment, it did not include slimy amphibians that hop around unpredictably.
Anyhoo, drama ensued, (imagine, a frog loose in a house with 4 girls, who were all on edge because of exams nearby).
Fact 1 : Keberanian menghadapi katak berkadar songsang dengan saiz badan.
Fact 2 : I ♥ my housemates.

----------------------------------

I miss:

That man, who uses perfect grammar when text messaging.

That woman, who's bad at recognizing faces but good at pretending she's not.

That girl, who was the president of Kelab Gembira.

That girl, the author of the Mr. Mancis stories.

That boy, the one who coined the term "Kapal Korek"

That one, who does excellent imitations but hates being mocked.

That girl, who cholocatosed me.

♥♥♥

in memoriam

Classes have officially ended for Phase 1 of my med school program. Sounds wonderful, but it’s not over just quite yet. Not that easily. All of us here now have to run along, sit tight at our desks, and study our asses off for our Phase 1 Professional Exam, which is in 2 weeks time.

Oh pardon me, study our gluteal muscles off, I mean.

Anyhoo.
Having this time off (well, sort of) has given me space to think about a lot of things. But mostly, my thoughts inevitably hover around my recently departed grandmother.

Allow me to tell you a bit about by dear nenek.
85 years of pure life: Married at 14, widowed with 3 small children at 21, re-married by 30, re-widowed a decade later with an additional 2 children and 2 step-children, bringing the count to 7 children under her care. Rubber tapper, tin-mine worker, farmer, clothes washer, food hawker, homemaker... superwoman, I’d say.

While reflecting on my nenek‘s colourful life, I’ve begun to realize that... even during these times of advancements & civilization that we live in, the progress by leaps and bounds we've achieved, we are all weaker beings in more ways than we are aware of.
We're becoming sissies, I tell you. We are a generation of warm-blooded wusses. Childish cowards. Despairing dooshbags.

Okay, picture this : my grandmother was 21 when she was widowed with 3 small children left to her care. During the Japanese/British occupation. During those "uncivilized" times. She got herself a guard dog for safety, and went on working at the rubber estate. She managed. Pretty damn well, in fact.

I am 22 years old. Last week I was upset over the weather. The bloody frickin weather. (I admit this with great shame).
I read this girl’s blog few days ago, she ranted about her exams, how terribly she performed, how she wished she could “just die”. I heard about a friend of a friend who threatened her boyfriend that she’d commit suicide if he ever left her. Is death so trivial to some people?
I browse around Facebook profiles, and get so amused with the teenagers of today, going on and on complaining about their weight/skin/_____ (insert appropriate vanity area). Nenek was 14 when she got married. Flyboy told me of a 14-year old girl who was afraid to go to school one day because she had a bad haircut.
It goes on. Our priorities are all messed up. And don’t even get me started on our local political scene.

I’m not really sure where I’m going with this, or what my true arguments are here. But I’m sure you get it. There is something not quite right, if this is “progress”. There is something terribly wrong, in fact. What have we truly gained at the end of the day?

Random pic: look what flyboy's mum found on the streets of New YorkFeel free to pay me your thoughts :)

rollercoaster

It’s been an emotional/physical/spiritual rollercoaster, the past two weeks or so. All in all, I have learnt a great deal about myself, the people around me, and so much more. I have no regrets, I am not upset nor complaining. I am calm, my spirits are up, and I am still ever hopeful.


On Monday, the 23rd of March 2009, my dear, dear grandma, my beloved nenek passed away. I say these words without conviction, the reality has not fully sunk in yet. They choke my throat as I say it, numbs my fingers as I type it, burns my eyes as I see it. When I received the news, it hurt everywhere. Everywhere.

This was probably the first time I’ve truly felt numb. Too many emotions at one time do that to a person, eh? Sadness, grief, relief, contentment, yearning, anger, rage, confusion, wonder... a cocktail of emotions, each passing through me a bit at time, each never staying for long, but I felt them through every pore, everywhere.

No words can describe my nenek’s life, nor my sorrow. But I fully understand that neither lasts forever. I accept her passing, I do. I knew the day the would come, we all did, whether we dared admit it or not. But nothing prepared me for the real thing. I miss her so much, I can hardly breathe sometimes. Do not worry, I will be alright, I am alright.


Thursday, the 26th:
The appointment with the doctor. The examination. My hospital admission.
I should explain this. But I do not want to bore you with the medical details, so it would be enough to say that I have been seeing a specialist continually over the past two months, and it was on this day that the doctors found something wrong enough with me that warranted hospital admission.

The days that followed in the ward gave me another serving of that Emotion Cocktail. I had yet to come to terms with my grandmother’s mortality, and now I was challenged with my own. I tried my best, but I shamefully admit that I know I could have handled things better. The next Monday, after five days, I was discharged. Things weren't over, pending further investigations, yes, but I was stable and I was just glad to be out.


These recent days have been an emotional & eventful blur, but I can recall in detail how everyone around me, were absolutely wonderful. From the moment I received the news of nenek's death, to the news of my hospital discharge. From family to friends, to classmates and collegemates, to lecturers and doctors, to nurses and janitors. A whole dedicated blog post might be needed to express my thanks and appreciation, but that task towers over me. No words would ever do justice.

This overwhelming sense of gratitude has brought me to tears more than once over the past few days. Happy tears, the best of crying, the one that ends with you smiling to yourself and laughing. Thank you, everyone, from the deepest core of my soul.

It started on a Monday, and ended on a Monday.
Wait, has it truly ended? We'll just have to see what the next Monday brings.

Hajjah Zainab Binti Kasim
1924 - 2009


Al-Fatihah

uncontrollable..

...fits of laughter followed these:

Her : So what did you do earlier?
Me : Had dinner at Chili's, then we went for a movie.
Her : Sounds like fun! What movie was it?
Me : Slumdog Millionaire.
Her : Oh, cool. Who's voice was it?
Me : Sorry, what?
Her : I mean, who voiced the main character?
Me : Uhh.. voiced?
Her : I mean, the voice for the dog?

Woof!

One of the many ways & reasons I love her

♥♥♥

*******

the "friendly" Malay translation

*******

(Updated)
and most recently, most uncontrollably:

bliss & blah

Bliss:
Words could never describe how thankful, grateful, and utterly appreciative I am of all the people, the wonderful, beautiful people in my life, who have wished me well on my birthday, who have celebrated the occasion with me, who have spent their time and/or money to make me feel special.

Thank you, thank you all, for everything.

Even that simple “hey, happy bday!” you texted, made my day.

Only Allah can truly repay you.
:)

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Blah:
This week, I've been trying to wean myself off coffee.
Yesterday, 2 people thought I was sick.
Today, 3 people said I look like crap. (Okay fine, they implied it)

I'm getting back on coffee again first thing tomorrow.
(Suggestions/alternatives welcome.)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bliss/Blah:
After the countless tests & consultations:
its definitely NOT tuberculosis! yay!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bliss, definitely:

I'll be seeing you soon! ♥♥♥

get the picture?

I shamelessly tagged myself from Malina's blog post because it's too fun/funny to resist! :)


So here are the rules : use Google image to search the answers to the questions below. You must choose a picture from the first page of the results, and post it as your answer. After that tag 7 people.


(1) The age of my next birthday

(2) Place i'd like to travel to

HAHAHAHA what a.. revolting thought.
Okay too specific.

"Europe"
:)

(3) Favourite food

(4) Favourite place

(5) Nicknames i've had

"Muns"

(6) Favourite colour

I don't have a favourite colour, but turquoise/green comes close!

(7) College major

"MBBS"
*rofl*

Okay.. something else then.

"medicine"
okay.. works for me.

(8) Name of my love

okay.. have to be more specific.

and.. whoa!it showed up! not kidding.
go ahead and try :)

(9) Hobby

"Travelling"

(10) Bad habits

(11) My wishlist


(12) And i'm tagging..

(cis, edwan's own header came up.)

"Badrul Hisham" HAHAHAHA
terbaik.


&

anyone who finds this fun!
:)